just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
