So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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