I need help removing her.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
this will be a night to untag.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
