My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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