I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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