The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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