would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
