ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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