I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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