I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
