Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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