so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
