My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I have post one night stand depression
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
