I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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