You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
