3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
