I bet he comes in French.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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