guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
