I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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