haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
