Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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