dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
