I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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