i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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