I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We are two peas in an std pod
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
