My sheets look like a crime scene.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
