So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
