i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
