Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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