I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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