he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
