Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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