I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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