Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
