can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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