last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
