Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
