It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
