The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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