she smelled like a LAN party
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
