He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
