You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
