Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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