his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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