Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
