Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
