if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
