Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
