I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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