just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
